Is following my dream just an illusion created by the capitalistic society or do I actually want it? How much am I willing to put in to achieve it? Is doing my best ever good enough? Will I sacrifice myself to get what I dream of? Is it worth it? How do I face reality when it doesn't match my expectations? What is left after the dream comes true? Do I even want it to come true? When do I stop chasing my dream? If I knew the outcome would I still go for it? Would I have been healthier and happier if I never pursued my dream? Will I sacrifice myself to get what I dream of? What have I done to myself?

Between a Dream and a Nightmare - is a memorial of the 3 years of studies in photography that Gertruda has dedicated to herself. It embodies personal and symbolic elements of the artist's life during that period and serves her as a reminder to prioritize her mental and physical health over any desires.

Through investigation of the physical and emotional relationship Gertruda had with her surroundings, she reveals the consequences of following a capitalistic educational system. The artist aims to channel her state into something that others can see to bypass the mundane small talks. 

Born with 6 problems diagnosed on one eye, Gertruda chose to study photography.  She made her dream come true through sweat and blood, only to realize she ended up in a nightmare. The level of devotion to achieve that dream was the epitome of Gertruda losing the ability to prioritize and love herself. Constant pressure, high expectations, persistent engagement with the technology, lack of natural light, poor quality food and air combined with the pandemic damaged her mental and physical health to the point of no return.

The self-portrait was taken by the artist’s partner, Ruslan Novoselskij, who has been the subject of her first university project. By turning the camera around 180°, Gertruda has explored self-expression in order to immortalize the situation she has put herself into.

This project includes a composite image from the artist's rental room,  work(book), and the stairs. The object modified out of the chest of drawers represents the final location in Lithuania where the artwork will be displayed, as well as the 5 years it took the artist to achieve her dream. The work(book) contains all the information regarding the creation process of this project. It is not edited to meet any standards but to reflect the true and genuine artist’s self. There is only one physical copy of the book, however, the digital version is available below.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF AND MIND YOUR DREAMS

.“Epilogue” - Copeland Gallery, 16th-20th June 2021